Relationships

"Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous." ~Carrie SATC

The other day my girl friend and I were talking about the life of singleness; the reasons people choose to be single or not, the struggles, the triumphs, etc.  She passed along something she herself was told.  Before dating someone, ask yourself, "will this person make me a better Christ follower?  If this relationship doesn't work out, will my walk with the Lord have grown because of it regardless?"  And with that, I took a second to review some of my past relationships.  

Now have I learned something from EVERY relationship? ABSOLUTELY, yes!  The good, the bad, the really ugly, have all taught me something, and I am a different person because of each of them.  But a better Christ follower? No, not quite.  (mainly I'm much more guarded and insecure but that's a topic for another day)  Now, at the same time I know many of my exes have said, "I'm a better person because of you",  or "I've changed so much by dating you", and no, it wasn't because I asked them to.  There are some who didn't even say anything to me, but I saw in the way they lived their lives, for some reason they changed:  the way they treated people, the way they acted when they were out, etc.  Once I was out of their lives, they went right back to their old selves... some are married or engaged now and they've settled down and may have put God at the fore front of their lives, but I do not talk to them to know that or not, so I am just talking about my experience with them.  And I can't look at any of those relationships and say "you made me a better Christ follower".  But I bet some of them can say that about me..

Friends of mine would probably point out two college relationships I had and question me, "well what about _____ and _____ ?"  Just because I went to church with those guys and we stayed with in Christian boundaries in our relationships, and participated in bible studies; neither one of those young men encouraged me to grow in my relationship with Christ.  Years later I was able to look at them and say well this or that had an effect of why we broke up and I learned what not to do in relationships following theirs, but again not really "help" my walk so to speak.  However, I do hope and think that those changes will make me a better Christian girlfriend, and wife (someday if that's God's plan).

**Now if you are wanting to see Sex and the City 2 (mainly talking to the ladies here), I'll worn you this next paragraph will have parts of the movie in there.  Not huge details but some, so read with caution.**

So I went to see the SATC2 movie last night.  First off, I want to acknowledge that this is not a movie made to honor Christ, but a movie night with the girls with some laughs and great one liners... Shortly after 'Carrie' cheats on her husband by kissing one of her exes that she happens to run into half way around the world, Carrie calls her husband, 'Big' to admit what she's done.  (I think every one can understand that he was not thrilled)  While talking to one of her best friends, 'Charlotte' about the whole situation she said something that stuck out to me.  I don't remember it verbatim, but it was something like, "I've spent years trying to get the one man I love to love me back, and now that he loves me, I go and screw it up', and with tears in her eyes, Carrie turns and says, ''I'm afraid my past ruined my future."

"Not every woman wants a battle to fight, but every woman yearns to be fought for. She wants to be more than noticed-she wants to be wanted. She wants to be pursued. She wants to be a priority to someone. And her childhood fantasies of a knight in shining armor coming to rescue her are not girlie fantasies; they are the core of the feminine heart and the life she knows she was made for." - Wild at Heart

I could really relate to 'Carrie' in that moment.  No, not because I will ever cheat with one of my exes.  Marriage is a huge soap box of mine- why it should only be between two people who took vows under God to honor, respect and serve his or her spouse..  But just that feeling that your past is going to come in the way of your 'happily ever after'.  Not in a fairytale, everything is perfect way, but in finding someone to love you for everything you are; all your faults, your imperfections, and all your good.  Love CAN last a lifetime.  In fact, a team of scientists recently found that romantic love involves chemical changes in the brain that last 12 to 18 months. After that, you and your partner are on your own. Relationships require maintenance. Pay a visit to a nursing home if you want to see proof of lasting love.  Not so long ago, I was doing a story in Nacogdoches and was interviewing an older man.  His wife of 60 years was suffering from advanced Alzheimer's disease. He came to sit with her every day and hold her hand in a nursing home. She had been his best friend since high school.  He explained with, "we made a promise to stick together." Now, that's a love story that lasts a life time.

I used to be the BIGGEST hopeless romantic!!  Some of those past relationships have damaged that, but there is still that desire to find some one that I love to love me back.. all of me.  And sometimes I've felt like my own junk and things that I have carried from past relationships have kept me from being truly happy in relationships later in life.  Those things are stuff I have been working on for a while, and I am happy to say getting over little by little (:  But as some advice to others, face your baggage from past relationships before you jump into another one.  Jumping into that other relationship with out getting over the "stuff" from your previous relationship is just going to hurt you and the other person in the long run.

So that's my little story for today.. nothing deep or intellectual, just writing down some thoughts, or typing in this instance.. 

"For the Lord is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations." Psalm 100:5