Fairytales

"Have faith in your dreams and someday Your rainbow will come shining through. No matter how your heart is grieving , If you keep believing , The dream that you wish will come true." Cinderella

As little girls we daydream about our Fairytale Wedding.. As we get older, I don't think we stop wanting a fairytale relationship; I just think our concept of fairytale changes.  No longer are we entranced with the Disney and Hollywood's "Happily Ever After", no now we want the things that matter.  We realize no relationship is perfect.  We want a man to honor and respect us, to love us; as Christians we want that man to lead us.  To put God at the center of his life and serve us as his first line of ministry, just as a woman should have her husband be her first line of ministry.

As a single woman in Dallas, I am encouraged when I see God in relationships, encouraged that maybe my generation can change the divorce trend in the United States.  With so many things going against us, it's the little things that give me hope.

For starters, a simple song "Lead Me" by Sanctus Real.  Haven't heard it?  Then you need to watch it.

This is not the Official video but it's a good interpretation

It’s a pretty amazing song!!  The lead singer, Matt Hammitt, wrote the song after he and his wife had a pretty gut-wrenching conversation, where she told him that she needed him to be a better spiritual leader to her and their family. It rocked Matt’s world. They have been married the longest in the band.  They already have two daughters and they’re expecting their third child right now. Matt said that he found it humbling that his wife would have the courage to say something like that out of love. Secondly, he realized that he had to do something about it. There was no way around it because they don’t believe in divorce (if only there were more people like that in the world although, in terms of adultery, I tend to understand).  There were some things they had to work on to keep that open dialogue between the two of them, so that they could admit problems and work through them. That’s where the song came from.  The song is kind of a father’s prayer for his family and wife. It’s an honest cry out to God saying, “If I’m going to lead my family, I need You to lead me.” 

Matt said, "I think the challenge for me in the song, and hopefully for other men as well, is every time I hear it, every time I sing it, I ask myself, ‘what kind of man am I?'  Not yesterday, not tomorrow, what kind of man am I today? Have I invested in my family emotionally, spiritually the way that God has called me to reach out to them and to lead them." 

To lead them with strong hands / To stand up when they can't / Don't want to leave them hungry for love / Chasing things that I could give up / I'll show them I'm willing to fight / And give them the best of my life / So we can call this a home / Lead me, ‘cause I can't do this alone / Father, lead me, ‘cause I can't do this alone

What a POWERFUL, MEANINGFUL, prayer!  And what encouragement that a man would have a heart to lead his family like Hammitt!


So another act of encouragement.  One of my girl friends from high school and college sent me a link to watch this wedding of one of her friends.  I wrote the girl on facebook and asked if I could have permission to use the video in my blog.  I do not know of anyway to embed this one, so you will have to just click on the link to watch it, but oh, please take the time to watch it.

Missy and Ryan's Wedding Day
So as I watched this video, I got chills.. First just seeing Missy prepare for her wedding day, and the photographer being able to capture the personality of her husband!  And the back-to-back shots of Missy and her bridesmaids bowing to pray and her now husband sitting with his groomsmen around him laying their hands on him in prayer... Seeing the faces of family and friends lovingly looking on in approval..  Watching Missy cry as she said her vows, and knowing myself well enough to know I will be doing the same thing- just watching the heart of a woman in photographs so raw and exposed for the man God called her to be with.  And seeing her husband comfort her and laugh because he knew his wife well enough to KNOW she was going to cry.
And the part that gets me the most, the part that has me tearing up even now as I write this is the image of Missy and Ryan praying, and the image of their friends gathering around them and praying for them..
I've never heard the first song in that video until I watched this one; but the second one is one of my recent favorites!!  I love the idea that the person you marry can make you a better person through encouragement and leading you.  And I love that person can make the lows seem higher and the highs even better!  It has a certain for-richer-or-poorer sentiment, and I LOVE that especially with the uncertainty of times.

When I wrote Missy, she could have easily blown me off or asked me politely not to use it for my blog.  But she didn't; instead she wrote to tell me their story.  She and Ryan give all the glory to God, saying it's the  "Lord's story and not ours."  Missy and Ryan actually went to A&M the same 4 years together but didn't know each other.  They met in Dallas at Watermark church (my church) at a singles in service opportunity.  At Watermark we are big on community and accountability and half of the girls in the wedding party were in Missy's community group.  The men and women in their wedding party were the family and friends that walked them through their relationship.  Those were the people that encouraged them to "recklessly pursue Christ."  In her own words, Missy explained, "They're the people who sharpened, rebuked, and encouraged us while we tried to build a Christ-centered relationship in a broken world. We gave Him the glory on our wedding day knowing that it was nothing that we could have done ourselves. I've seen the amazing ways the Lord has restored relationships and brought life from death along the way, and, for me, it made our wedding day a true testimony of how much He loves me and the rest of the world...even when we don't deserve it."  WOW- how true is that?!?!  Christ has a perfect design for marriage- a bride waiting for her groom as he pursues her heart, just like Christ pursues us, His bride.  And that should be our modern day fairytale ladies.  Waiting for a Christ serving man pursuing our heart..


And a letter from a father to his daughter.. He writes:

As you know too well, my success in relationships is not very good, but I have had plenty of time to think about it and I have learned many things.  I want to pass a few things along to you.

1.       Opposites – They don’t really attract – long term.   You need to have common ideas, philosophies, politics, likes/dislikes and eventually develop hobbies/sports that you enjoy together.  This is absolutely CRITICAL.

2.       Volunteerism - Your partner should be your best volunteer.  You volunteer tasks/chores for them and they volunteer for you – often without asking.  No arm twisting necessary.

3.       Family – you need to be comfortable with their family.  It can cause lots of tension otherwise.  You can’t feel “on edge” at every family gathering.

4.       Old wounds.  Check for a partner’s emotional “baggage” or trauma from childhood or former relationships.  These have to have been dealt with or they will keep popping up and hurting the current relationship.  Ask about childhood abuse, rape, old relationships they can’t seem to let go of.  You have a right to know the general details and to decide if it’s going to haunt the relationship forever.

5.       Addictions – These can be alcohol, drugs, sex, smoking, or even shopping/spending.  Any obsession needs to considered.  In the long run, these can make for a constant battle and destroy a relationship.

Being aware of those things, and making sure they are factored in can help insure a long and happy relationship.  Beyond these things, you need persistence.  Never give up on someone you truly love, respect, and admire – and you should expect the same from them.

Saying nothing (or nothing bad) on rare occasion, can be a supreme act of love – particularly when if comes to clothing, someone’s handiwork, cooking, or home décor.  Add family to that.

Pick the right time to share bad news.  Don’t be in a hurry.  Bed time, early morning, or when some other bad news has already arrived are all bad times.

Everyone falls short from time to time and sometimes you just need to hang on, get through the day and wait for tomorrow.  You don’t have to always be right or have the last word.

Certain moments or even days, it’s perfectly OK not to “like” your partner because of something they’ve done, but you never stop loving.

A healthy relationship is just as content to share the “quiet” together as it is share conversation.  Just being together is contentment.

If you love someone, love them with all you have – but not with what you don’t have.  Rather, love them with who you are.

If only I would have heard that 10 years ago, and again every few years after that, or maybe before every new relationship... But praise God for learning experiences and grace.  That whole, someday some guy (or girl) will come along and make you realize why it never worked out with any one else.

Women, I encourage you to pray to be led as well- to be led to a place of deep trust and intimacy, so that you seek no emotional fulfillment elsewhere, but to bring a rich overflow of confidence and strength to you and your current of future relationships.  To be beautiful as Christ defines beauty; to be gracious, kind, gentle in disagreement and quick to forgive.

Men, I think the biggest thing I see is a lack of vulnerability with the women you are pursuing, a lack of intention.  Talk among other men that hold you accountable, but I would encourage you to be open with your thoughts, hopes and fears as you seek to better understand your girl friend, fiance, or wife.  To seek courage to passionately pursue a relationship even though you have been wronged or wounded.  Be men of kindness and integrity, protecting and cherishing a woman's heart by vigilantly guarding your own eyes and heart.

Fairytales don’t exist and this is something I wish someone had told Disney;  Lord knows my dad tried to reverse the effects of Disney and Hollywood.  My dad always told me love wasn’t a feeling but you never truly understand that until you’ve lived it. Thus, the perils of parenthood..or so it seems. You watch your children fumble along; unable to heed your advice because they TRULY don’t understand- until one day it clicks and we get it!  Or something happens and we realized THAT is what our parents were talking about.

You may never fully understand, but at least you find a life that suits you and keeps you even/sane/joyful. A kind of innocent joy with grocery trips, movie nights, and cooking dinner with some of the most amazing people you’ve ever known. A kind of life that fills you up but leaves you just empty enough for Jesus to come in and make you overflow. The kind of life that leaves room for improvement, moving forward, living dreams. A good life... a great life.  So each day make the decision to work, to try, to live. To exhaust every effort you have to be the best you Christ intended for you to be because the perfect he or she Christ has for you is worth it. 

For me, it's Because I don’t want to die not sharing this love I have for people with everyone I meet.

Because I want to be 90 sitting next to whoever God intends, in our rockers in silence because we can’t hear.

Because I want to LIVE.  And LIVE ABUNDANTLY!