Let Go and Let God!

"When the past is still guiding your present, it also shapes your future.  That is way too much power."

 There is something bigger ahead and something greater in store for you.  However, the past has a pulling power that can distract, delay, and even destroy your destiny.  Instead of giving the past power, give it perspective.  You must press onward and refuse to look back by destroying the bridges that connect you to your P.A.S.T.  What People, Associations, Situations and Things are hurting you instead of helping you?  What do you need to leave behind in order to move forward? Who do you need to forgive in order to push forward?

Last night at the Porch, my friend Dave Sterrett, spoke to us with a message on forgiveness and letting go of the past.  Now before I continue, let me clarify it is okay to reminisce and talk about the past and experiences. But when your attitude changes to resentment, "if this would have happened then..." or "if he wouldn't have dumped me then.." or Dave's example, "if the coach would have let me play more, I would have gone pro."  Really?  I'm pretty sure that if you were good enough to go pro, the coach would have played you more :)  I'm just saying...

Now, I will admit I have been there. As many of you know, I used to compete in pageants, specifically aligned with the Miss America organization.  I used to say, "if I had one more year I could have won", "if the Miss America organization didn't change the age requirements I would have had one more year to compete". But you know what?  Miss America did change the rules and I wasn't able to compete again, and I never won Miss Texas.   But the experience, man when I think back to the experience of competing on the local level.  When I think of the opportunity I had to speak to large crowds; be it children, adults, or senior citizens... When I think of the precious children I met at MD Anderson, the Ronald McDonald house, Cooks Children's Hospital, and the Scottish Rite hospital- those kids already thought I was Miss America, better yet, they thought I was a queen.  And I can't begin to describe to you the joy that was on their face and in their smiles when they got to talk to me, or when I put my crown on the little girls' head. Just thinking about some of them makes me tear up.  For a moment it was like they forgot about their disease and got to laugh like a normal kid again!  And when I got to speak on my platform, speak about making responsible decisions and not drinking and driving.  There are so many times I felt like the kids didn't even care what I said, but then I would get a letter or an email from someone there who was touched by my story, by my experience.. And if I changed one person's life each time I spoke, think of how many lives that could have saved from dying in a drunk driving collision...  The other great thing about pageants?  The friendships!  Some of my best friends I met competing in pageants.  Girls I have known since I was 15 or 16.. We've cried together, laughed to gather, try to find the answer to world peace together, and if I ever get married, I am going to have some of the prettiest bridesmaids!!  haha But seriously, look at everything I was able to take away from the pageant with out winning Miss Texas, so why would I hold on to that? 

*Instead of focusing on what you do not have, focus on what you DO have.  You have absolutely everything you need to succeed.

Now the forgiveness part.. If you knew me in my last relationship or have heard the story most people would say what happened to me is not forgivable, but as Christians, that's not acceptable.  We are called to forgive those who have trespassed against us.  My good friend Ally,  can attest that I was quick to forgive my ex.  I said some horrible things to him when I found out what all he had done and did not respond like a Christian should have.  But I wrote him an email, and I apologized for what I said and told him I would forgive him.. The thing though, is at the time, my heart had not fully forgiven him.  I was "forgiving" him because I knew I needed to and because I wanted it for myself.  Then one night I prayed, and I really just asked God to help my heart forgive him and all that he had done.  And let me tell you, I wish him all the best (but that doesn't mean I ever want to see him again).  

Now Dave touched upon a particular instance when a girl should forgive and not necessarily forget.. To my female friends, just as Dave said, if you have been abused you can forgive that person with out allowing them back into your life.  I can attest this is the best action to take. I was in a relationship that was physically and mentally abusive.  Still, to this day when I have seen him (not on purpose, just in passing) I get scared: scared he will harm me, scared of the look I saw in his eyes one night in particular.  I forgive him but I do not not have contact with him.  He is not my friend on facebook, on myspace, or twitter and has no access to see pictures of me or know what is going on in my life.  And all that is ok.  He does not have to be in my life for me to be able to forgive him.. In fact, it is healthier that he is not.

Now if you want to hear a REAL story of forgiveness, let me tell you the story of Terry Caffey.. 

 

Terry Caffey is pictured here with Matthew (13), Tyler (8), his wife Penny, and his daughter Erin (16).  Now this is an older picture, but it's the picture I saw in a courtroom in January of 2009.  It's also the picture on his book, Terror by Night.  

An American family, Terry and Penny Caffey were devout people raising their family in Alba, Texas, 70 miles east of Dallas. Each day was like the previous, with work, prayer and schooling, with dreams and wishes for the future. Then one day their future went up in smoke and ashes, literally

On the night of March 1st, 2008, in a quiet, rural Texan community, Terry Caffey’s wife, Penny, and their two young sons, Bubba and Tyler, were brutally murdered by their 16-year-old daughter’s boyfriend, Charlie Wilkinson, and his friend Charles Waid. Terry and his daughter Erin were the only members of the family to survive, but in the days after the tragedy Erin was arrested and charged with being the mastermind behind the murders. Testimony from Wilkinson and Waid clearly laid the blame with her.  Bobbi Johnson, girlfriend to Charles, was also in on the crime.

This is his story on Forgiveness Project:

That Saturday I got home at midnight, I came in from a 14 hour shift and I was tired. I warmed my supper up, ate a little and went straight to sleep. I never heard another sound after that until 3am when our bedroom door flew open.

My first instinct was that one of the kids had had a nightmare; then gunfire erupted. It is the loudest sound you can ever imagine. I threw my arm across Penny, and took shots in my arm and face which blew me out of bed and knocked me out.

When I came round I heard commotion and two voices. I felt someone kick me in the foot and heard heavy breathing. My only thought was, god make it quick. But nothing happened. Blood was coming out of my mouth, nose, eyes and ears. I remember trying to raise myself up but I couldn’t feel the right side of my body. Then, all of a sudden, I started thinking, “the children, the children.”

I heard footsteps going up the stairs and I began to panic. I grabbed the mattress, the cover, anything I could to pull myself up. Then I heard Bubba cry out, “Charlie why are you doing this?” So that’s who I had just seen – Charlie, Erin’s boyfriend. I knew why he was there: he was getting revenge because we had made them break up.

Erin had always been a very good kid; she always had a smile on her face. But once she began to date Charlie she changed considerably. She had always taken pride in how she looked, but then she began to slip and she became disrespectful towards Penny. A few days earlier we’d found out what kind of character Charlie really was, with the drinking and the sex, and told her to break it off.

Again I heard Bubba cry out, “no Charlie, no”; then I heard more shots and fell back onto the floor. I don’t remember anything after that. I found out later they had come in with samurai swords and found Tyler in the closet. They then took turns stabbing him like a rag doll; they stabbed him to death.

I had passed out a second time and when I woke up the room was on fire. Somehow I pulled myself up and climbed over the mattress. That is where I found Penny. I had never seen such a sight. They had nearly decapitated her.

Our bathroom was the only place to get out. I made my way through the window and just fell to the ground. If I could just get to my neighbours, Tommy and Helen, they would make everything alright. It took me about an hour to crawl the lengths of about four football pitches. I made it about halfway and just wanted to die. But then I thought, if I couldn’t save my family I’ve got to live long enough to make the people who did this accountable. I used every ounce of strength and just kept focused on the light in Tommy and Helen’s window.

Finally I collapsed on their porch. I couldn’t have got up if I’d wanted to. Tommy and Helen called 911 and I was taken to the hospital.

The days and weeks that followed, the grief, I cannot put it into words. I was suicidal. I had so much bitterness and hatred. I wanted to find these guys; I wanted to strangle them.

As time went on I began to realise that my grief and anger would destroy me. I would never be able to honour my family if I let this destroy me. I decided I would not become a bitter old man. Forgiveness took months with me praying continuously even when I still had rage towards God. But then, one day, I went back to my property alone, which I had never done, and looking up into the heavens with both arms stretched out, I asked, “God why didn’t you take me, why did you take my family, I need an answer now, not next week, not next month, I need an answer today”.

It was so profound because as I said those words I saw a piece of paper stuck to a tree a few feet from me. On it were the words, “You're sovereign; You're in control."

The grieving process is definitely a journey. It’s not something you can turn a switch on and everything’s okay. I have my moments, my days, where I cry but those days come further and further apart.

I forgave my daughter more easily but to forgive the guys who did this, for a long time felt too much.

When the attorneys told me they wanted the death penalty, I prayed again and asked what would Jesus do? I believe he would have spared their life so I wrote letters and protested at the headquarters of the attorney general’s office, asking them to spare the boys’ lives. They were shocked and asked me why. I told them that killing these boys will not bring my family back. I want them to wake up every day and think about what they took and hopefully one day they will find remorse in their hearts. I want people to draw goodness from all this. .

The scorched page that Terry found on his property is from a novel titled, Blind Sight. Written by Christian suspense author James H. Pence.  Blind Sight is the story of Thomas Kent, a man who has lost his whole family in an auto accident. Thomas is called upon to rescue two children from a murderous mind-control cult, and in the process must confront his own anger at God for taking his family.

When the bodies of the Caffeys were recovered, Justice of the Peace in Rains County, Don Smith said "Preliminary autopsy reports show "all three suffered from smoke inhalation, which means they were still breathing when the house was on fire."

On January 6th of 2009 I sat in the Rains County jury box for the sentencing of Charlie Wilkinson and Charles Waid.  Both were sentenced to life in prison with out parole.  I watched as Terry held up a picture of his family.  He talked about how he would never be able to see Matthew and Tyler graduate, drive their first car, or wait for the love of their life to walk down the aisle.  He talked about how essentially they had taken Erin away because she is serving two life sentences plus 25 years.  And of course they killed his wife and then burned down his house and every memory he had of them inside.  But, then, he looked at them (each at separate hearings, at separate times), he looked them in the eyes and said, "I forgive you".  Three powerful words to two young men who had hurt him so much.  Could you do it?  Could you be that faithful?

I have been lucky enough to email with Terry..  He loves his daughter so much.  He prays for Charles, Charlie, and Bobbi (another accomplice) to come to know the Lord and to be with him in Heaven someday.  He visits his daughter in jail along with his new family- wife, Sonja, and stepsons Tanner Smith and Blake Doss live near the Wills Point cemetery where Penny, Matthew and Tyler Caffey are buried.

I honestly don't know if I could be as forgiving as he was.. But he was the reason I was able to forgive other people who had hurt me.  I looked at him.. I was reminded of God's love for us and how we are forgiven..  And it just came so naturally after that.  So I encourage to forgive others who have hurt you, who have done you wrong, and ask for forgiveness from those you have hurt.

_________

Now as for Dave, he is a writer and a speaker.  He is able to engage an audience and connect personal stories, or clips to an important message.  It is no wonder him and Chris Plekenpol  are such good friends..

If you get a chance pick up one of Dave's Books: 

Is available now at your local bookstores.

And Why Trust Jesus will be released on March 1st.